The big sister, a confessed worrier and (shamefully) the procrastinator!

I feel as if my brother and my mom were taken too soon from us. My brother died when he was only 15 years old. A very vibrant kid so full of life and always had something good to tell about the people around him. I remember my classmates and friends telling me that he would call out to them whenever he saw them in and out of school. He was that friendly! When he got sick with leukemia and he was in the hospital a lot, his classmates would come in droves to visit him. It was truly heartbreaking.

My mom had the same story. A very friendly woman who taught us so much in life. She died all too soon. It was devastating to us most especially to my youngest sibling, my brother, who was only in his teens when she died. A kidney ailment was the culprit. It was just too soon.

I pray for their souls every single day. I know they are with their Creator now.

And someday we will meet again.

Whenever I hear of someone, be it a well-known personality or an ordinary person, who throws away his life like it’s nothing and he can get it back again anytime he wants to, I get angry. I am sorry because I know it’s their lives to live the way they want to but it just makes me angry knowing that there are so many others who are clinging to dear life and fighting to stay alive even for a day or two. There are so many individuals out there playing with drugs, alcohol and other destructive substances, playing cat and mouse with death like their lives meant nothing to them, some even ending their lives for a very shallow reason…

Loved ones died of cancer and other really bad internal organ diseases. They fought hard. They tried every possible avenue for them to stay alive longer but were not given a chance to recover. I’ve seen them suffer. I’ve seen them cling to life. Can you blame me for being angry with those who take their lives for granted and treat it like they have another life to use when the one they are living now go kaput?

Take care of the only life you have. Fight for life! While you are throwing away yours, a million others are fighting, clinging and working hard to save theirs.

Keep that in mind when you are playing cat and mouse with death.

Today is my mom’s 5th death anniversary. She died from multiple organ failure. She was diagnosed with a rare kidney disease and was sick for three years before she died.

Her sickness was inborn. She was exposed from too much chemical when she was young. According to her, their neighbor used to be a distributor of ammonia and the fumes coming from it would make them and half of the neighborhood run from it. I guess people were pretty ignorant of their rights back then because they never thought of complaining to local officials about the company.

It was inborn and do you know what triggered it to come out and made itself known? Heat stroke! My parents went to the mall and they decided to just walk the street going to our house. It was really hot that day my mom wanted to flag a tricycle but my dad wanted to walk to they did. Upon reaching my grandma’s house (which is 5 houses away from ours), my mom collapsed. It was heat stroke and when we had her checked, that’s when so many complications were seen.

I still remember those days my mom was suffering. There was no commercial treatment available for her kind of sickness. We had to go to Mayo Clinic in the US to get her into an experimental program. But we didn’t have the capacity to do that. Her doctors (she had four or five different specialists for organs affected by her kidney disease) just made sure that the complications get treated as they arose. It wasn’t enough.

September 29, 2005 at 9:30am my mom died of heart failure. She was in a coma for over 12 hours before that.

I still miss her so bad. Especially when I feel so burdened. She’s my ally. I think all moms are like that. They are on your side whether you’re right or wrong. My mom’s like that. We used to be so deep in debts. I was able to give her a comfortable like but it wasn’t enough. I wish I was able to give more. A year and a half after she died, I started receiving blessings after blessings. My sisters were able to find good jobs. My brother started college. It would have been all the more happier if my mom was still here. I love my dad. We all love our dad. But it’s never the same without mommy around.

I love you, Mommy! I still miss you so bad! I wish you’re still here with us and that I could have given you more.

How was your July and what do you expect this August?

Time flies so fast! August is finally here! My birth month. The toughest month of the year (for me and the family, anyway).

The past month has been both good and somewhat sad to me. I was blessed with a lot of work and that translated to more than average earnings for me. I was able to fund some very important expenses. There are still so much to spend on but I felt good about what I accomplished in July. Sad because, well, we lost my grandmother. I said somewhat sad only because I was actually a bit happy with my grandma’s passing. She is now in a better place and couldn’t feel any amount of pain. That’s why.

My goal this August is to just survive it. For the past decade and a half, August had always been a tough month for me and the family. There’s always too many expenses to pay for and not enough resources coming in. I am hoping that won’t happen this year. August of last year was somewhat better for us. I pray it will be better once more.

Anyway, I will be working harder than ever this month. The ‘ber months are coming and it signal the holiday season!